Modern theory of negotiating, whether it be between spouses, siblings, employees and management, or just among friends, emphasizes the “win-win” philosophy. The whole idea is to come to an agreement in which every party to the negotiation feels like a winner. Of course, some will argue that such a case is impossible, that no matter how well-intentioned the discussion, someone is going to feel exploited or feel like a loser at the end of it.

In the refereeing of soccer games, however, it is sometimes possible to make a decision or to handle a tricky situation in such an artful way that everyone—player, opponent and referee—feels good at the end of it. Here’s a recent example of how it could be done, taken from an incident in an exhibition match in the U.S., between two professional teams from Mexico. First, the wrong way.

An attack came down the right wing, and a covering defender challenged across and fouled the flanking forward almost on the touch-line about thirty yards out. The Assistant Referee waved his flag, the Referee blew his whistle and play stopped. The forward picked himself up, two nearby defenders ran in close to the site of the foul, and the Assistant Referee stepped into the field to sort things out. That’s when things took on the air of a music-hall farce.

First, the official put the ball down at the site of the upcoming free kick, telling the kicker not to move the ball. Then he stepped forward to show the defenders where they could stand, ten yards from the position of the free kick. As he was talking to them, however, they suddenly shouted that the attacker was moving the ball. Imagine that!

The earnest Assistant Referee paced back to the ball, wagging his finger at the kicker for being so naughty, and then moved the ball back to the original spot. While he was engaged with the ball and the kicker, the two defenders crept forward a few yards closer to the kick, and then of course, the kicker shouted to the AR and pointed at the encroaching criminals.

Determined to do his duty, the Assistant Referee wheeled around, shouted at the defenders and paced towards them, measuring out the ten yards as he did so. The kicker, seeing the AR walk away with his back to the ball, picked up the ball and tossed it forward onto a more favorable piece of grass. Then the defenders shouted, the hapless AR went back to move the ball, the defenders moved in again, the AR went back to them, the ball moved again, and of course, the entire crowd of twenty thousand or more started laughing. They had come to watch soccer, but were being treated to comedy.

The questions is: How can you make winners out of everybody in this little farce, when everyone seems to be intent upon forcing his will upon the others? You bring in an artful official who is a master of psychology. Here he is at work.

Knowing the way that defenders and attackers alike try to gain every little advantage at a free kick near goal, he is prepared for their shenanigans. He understands that he is going to have to position the ball accurately and get the defenders back ten yards, so he goes to the site of the free-kick and picks up the ball. Then he marches past the defenders as if to show them where the ten-yard distance is. But our artful official paces off twelve yards, telling the defenders (if they enquire) that this is the spot ten yards from where the kick will be taken. Now the official goes back to the site of the kick, walking backwards, all the time instructing the defenders not to come any closer. (They do, of course, inch forward, imagining that because the AR has such obviously poor vision, he can’t possibly see their tiny motions.) For the AR it doesn’t matter, because he started them off at twelve yards anyway.

As he approaches the kicker, the AR keeps moving past the point where the kick should be taken and gives the ball to the kicker. He immediately tosses it forwards closer to the defenders than the AR said to do. He steals a yard or so, but for the AR it doesn’t matter, because he started him off at twelve yards anyway.

And so the kick is taken and everybody involved is happy. The defenders know they have stolen a yard or two from the AR and from their opponents. The kicker has satisfied his sense of machismo when he refused to obey the official and insisted on placing the ball where he himself wanted it to be. The Assistant Referee is happy, too, because he knows he got the ten yards the Referee expected him to, and that he handled the situation smoothly without having to call for help from the Man-in-the-Middle. And up in the stands, the eagle-eyed assessor would make note that the earnest Assistant Referee had learned some elementary psychology and artfulness that is not written in the Laws of the Game.