This time around, I want to share my opinion on what I feel is a major, and growing problem in youth soccer today - and that is that, starting at even the lowest levels (U6), we are seeing more and more emphasis on "winning", and less and less on "having fun".

This is not unique to the situation where I live, as is evidenced by the article in Issue 3 by anonymous entitled "The Soccer Parent", and by the one in Issue 2, entitled "Are Parents Part of the Solution? Or Part of the Problem?" Indeed, having a monthly article on Guidelines for Parents implicitly, in my view, acknowledges this pressing issue.

It starts with the parents and coaches on the sidelines shouting out their "encouragement" to their children - which is laudable. But what we all see happening far too frequently is that the shouts of encouragement turn to shouts of disparagement - "No! How could you do that? Didn't you see him/her coming?" And it gets much worse.

And then the disparaging comments to their own children turn to disparaging comments about teammates, and opponents and game officials. We've all heard them.

But it gets worse! Coaches verbally abuse little kids for not making the correct decision (i.e.: the decision the coach thinks is the correct decision) or not executing a skill or tactic "perfectly". Of course, the players pick up on all of this, and start the verbal abuse of their teammates, and then extend it to their opponents and the game officials. Soon physical abuse is added to the arsenal of verbal abuse.

My Under 14 Girls team competed in the City Divisional Championships last Spring. I had only 1 player on the team who is turning 14 this year; all the rest turn 12 or 13. The smallest player on the team we played against in our second game was as big as the biggest players on my team, and the majority of their players were much bigger than anyone on my team. We led 3 - 1 at the half, and the coaches and parents for that team were going absolutely ballistic, screaming at the players to "take out" my little girls, to "quit playing stupid and start playing physical". They were (of course) also all over the young man who was reffing the game, and were clearly starting to intimidate him. In the second half, they did start "getting physical", but usually away from the play so the official missed most of it. They also started getting verbally abusive against my players, but again, far enough away from the play that he didn't catch any of it. But even though I did my best to encourage my players to ignore what was being directed at them and continue playing their game, it had its effect - the final score favoured our opponent 6 - 3. Perhaps the most distressing incident however, came just after the final whistle when, with the referee's back turned, one of the opposing players punched one of my players hard enough to make her cry, and said "How do you like that you bitch?"

What are we doing? What are we teaching our kids? That winning is everything, no matter how you accomplish it?

It seems to me that far too many in the game have exactly that attitude. How often have I seen little kids playing at the Club level who are "benched" for making a mistake? Or don't get on the field at all during the course of a game? Far too often! How do those kids feel when treated like that? To my mind, it's emotional abuse - pure and simple!

Parents tell me they want their kids playing "competitive" soccer at U10 or even U8. Well, to begin with, every game is a "competition"; what these parents really want, is for their child to be a "select" player, competing in games where winning is everything. There is a vicarious pleasure that these parents derive from having a child that is perceived as an "elite" athlete, and an even greater pleasure from their child being on a winning team. And of course, the kids get the tracksuits and kit bags that identify them as something "special", and if they're on a winning team, that's even more special. But at what price to their children's psychological and emotional well-being?

Are children at the U8, U10, or even U12 level ready for the kind of psychological pressure that comes with playing on a "select" team (aside from the obvious fact that at those ages the whole notion of "select" players borders on the ludicrous)? I think not!

Now I don't have anything against winning. But I do have a serious problem with putting "winning" ahead of everything else. It seems to me that we should be encouraging our children to go out and do their best; to try new things and not be afraid to "make mistakes"; to respect opponents and game officials; and most important, to have fun - regardless of how the game is going, or its final outcome.

In other words, in my view, and whether at the community or Club level, we need to get back to the most fundamental question of all concerning our soccer programming, and that is, "What are we doing?" And it seems to me that the answer to that fundamental question ought to be - "We are giving our children the opportunity to play and to learn to love the greatest game on earth."

From there we can go to developing to our mission statement, and start planning our programs, secure in the knowledge that we are well and truly benefiting our children, and contributing to their well-being by fostering a love of the game.

Editor’s Footnote: Brad Odsen really does represent the type of person we want to be making a regular contribution to DTL. The E-Mag is designed for grassroots soccer organizations and the people doing such a good job in helping them make it fun for the kids. As you will now know, if you have read both of Brad’s articles in DTL, he has been embroiled – if that’s the word – in youth soccer for many years.